A Day in the Life

5:02 am - Piotr Rasputin (aka Colossus) wakes up and stares longingly at a photograph of his family.

5:30 am - John Allerdyce (aka Pyro) rolls out of bed and shuts off his alarm. He grudgingly puts his uniform on and heads downstairs...it's his turn to make breakfast.

5:49 am - The smoke alarm in the kitchen goes off.

6:00 am - Colossus enters the kitchen and sits down. There is a pile of charred toast, along with assorted other foods that have been burned beyond recognition, laid out on the table. He sighs, but puts a little bit of everything on his plate.

6:21 am - Remy LeBeau (aka Gambit) saunters in carrying a half-drunk bottle of champagne. His eyes glimmer with tales of romance and seduction. He takes a swig from the bottle and stares dreamily into space.

6:36 am - Victor Creed (aka Sabertooth) arrives; he is already in a bad mood. He sits in the remaining chair and finds an open can of cat food on his plate. He growls and glares across the room at Pyro, who falls into a fit of hysterical laughter. Gambit smiles and burps. Colossus shakes his head and gnaws on the burnt food.

7:11 am - The four Acolytes report to the control room to await their leader, Eric Lehnsher's (aka Magneto) instructions.

7:16 am - Magneto calls to inform them that he's spending the day with his children in an attempt to make up for years of neglect. He tells his team to stand by, however, as there is a distinct possibility that his plans will change.

7:31 am - The group goes to the living room and turns on the TV.

7:38 am - Gambit passes out on the couch, and the now empty bottle falls out of his hand and rolls across the floor.

7:39 am - Pyro picks it up and begins to blow into the mouth of the bottle, making foghorn noises.

7:42 am - Sabertooth swats the bottle out of Pyro's hands and it hits a wall. The glass shatters.

7:43 am - Colossus gets and brush and dustpan, and cleans the mess up.

8:00-8:29 am - Pyro laughs at Zack Morris's antics on an old "Saved By the Bell" episode.

8:30 am - Sabertooth fights the urge to kill him.

8:35 am - Unable to sit still and concentrate on the TV, Pyro jumps up and runs off.

8:36 am - Sabertooth grabs the remote and changes the channel to Animal Planet.

9:06 am - On his quest to find something to burn, Pyro sees a squirrel outside. He begins to chase it.

9:11 am - Gambit starts to snore.

10:48 am - Colossus, who cannot remain idle any longer, leaves the living room in search of something productive to do.

10:52 am - Colossus begins to randomly move large crates in one of the storage rooms.

11:16 am - Sabertooth hears a motorcycle nearby...Wolverine could be the driver. He leaves to investigate.

11:47 am - Surprised to find that he doesn't have the heart to barbecue the little bugger, Pyro returns to the living room with the squirrel perched on his shoulder.

11:53 am - Pyro decides to name the squirrel Fluffy.

12:00-1:00 pm - Lunchtime; Colossus spends his hour leafing through a tattered family album while he eats a sandwhich. He is careful not to get any crumbs on it. Pyro feeds Fluffy some sunflower seeds, and re-heats some leftovers for himself. Sabertooth can't think about eating...he thinks he's caught Logan's scent. Gambit moans and rolls over.

1:13 pm - Gambit wakes up to discover that he's missed the beginning of one of his soap operas. Grabbing the remote off the table, he changes the channel. Pyro throws him a dirty look, but is trying to teach Fluffy to dance, so he wasn't really watching anything anyway.

1:21 pm - Colossus rejoins his teammates in the living room.

1:45 pm - Gambit sniffles, but refuses to cry, even though Crystal-Lynn, who is carrying her comatose boyfriend's baby, is being forced to marry the rich and powerful Drew, who she doesn't know caused the coma...

2:03 pm - Sabertooth gives up and returns to the warehouse.

3:13 pm - Colossus begins to rearrange the furniture in the living room.

3:37 pm - Sabertooth complains about being forced to watch soap operas. Pyro is jealous that Fluffy has stopped his dance to listen to the overgrown walking carpet. He throws a ball of yarn at him to shut him up.

3:38 pm - Sabertooth is insulted by the gesture and yells at Pyro, who throws another ball of yarn at him.

3:39 pm - Unable to resist the colorful sphere, Sabertooth pounces on the yarn and starts to bat it around the room. Pyro laughs hysterically. Gambit chuckles. Colossus continues to move the furniture around, oblivious to what's going on because he's thinking about his family.

4:12 pm - Fluffy suffers an untimely death when Colossus accidentally puts a couch on him.

4:13 pm - Pyro tries to fry Colossus, but his flames have no effect on the metal-coated Russian. Gambit comforts the grieving Australian.

4:21 pm - Sabertooth is still playing with the yarn.

4:33 pm - Pyro, Gambit, and Colossus have a funeral for Fluffy.

4:38 pm - The three try to flush Fluffy down the toilet.

4:40 pm - Colossus fishes the dead squirrel out.

5:00 pm - Once Fluffy is dry, Pyro builds a mini pyre and lights it. Fluffy would've wanted it this way.

5:11 pm - Bored with the yarn, Sabertooth decides he needs some real action. He drives into town and spends the rest of the night searching for Logan.

5:22 pm - Pyro orders a pizza.

5:39 pm - Gambit takes a shower and prepares for the three dates he has lined up.

5:50 pm - Pizza is delivered. Pyro and Colossus eat it while they watch TV.

6:04 pm - Gambit bids his teammates adieu and leaves to pursue a night with infinite possibilities.

6:19 pm - Pyro sets the pizza box on fire.

7:12 pm - Colossus retires for the evening. He stares at the photograph of his family that he keeps next to his bed for several minutes before going to sleep.

7:36 pm - Pyro begins to make a slew of prank calls.

8:11 pm - Pyro leaves the warehouse to perform random acts of pyromania.

11:22 pm - Sabertooth returns. He walks around in a circle several times before curling up in a ball and falling asleep.

11:39 pm - Pyro returns. He is surprisingly calm. Before turning in, he writes a few pages of his thesis paper on the use of "the double" as a literary device in modern literature.

4:58 am - Gambit returns with a satisfied smile...another successful night of wining and dining the ladies. He stretches out on the couch and dozes off, hoping to catch a couple hours of sleep before he has to get up.